Twenty years have come and gone realtively quickly I should say. As much as I'd like to say that it's upsetting to no longer be a teenager I never really felt like one to begin with. I've been told that I'm an old soul. The kind that appreciates a night at Tim Horton's over a night in a crowded club downtown, or a sunset with a beer in my hand over a sunrise with a beer in my system. Either way, it's hard to say precisely what twenty years of life has given me, because although twenty years seems like a really long time, it really isn't at all.
So to celebrate turning 20, I've written a short article on twenty things I've learned before turning 20. Before reading, if you decide to read, you should probably realize one important thing. These lessons are based on my life. These are things that have either taught me lessons, or have impacted me otherwise and I can't expect them to be important to everyone. I can only hope that at least one point I've made makes sense in one way or another.
1. Keep your family close.
I'm not exactly certain if there's another way of saying this. Family matters. I've had people ask me why I spend so much time with my family. I tell them as honestly as I can: I like to.
Believe it or not, I actually like my family a lot. Making memories is easy when you have a family like mine. Supportive parents and a cool older brother make things a lot easier most of the time, and I'm grateful for it.
Aside from my parents and my brother, I have the most incredible cousins. Like, literally the most incredible, amazing, sibling-like cousins. Being the youngest of 10 cousins isn't always a walk in the park, and they're probably all laughing reading this because, well, they know it's true; they were all the youngest at one point or another. I cannot even begin to explain how important my cousins are to me. I try to make it known to them individually that they influence me regularily, and I can only hope they recognize it. Thank you for putting up with me.
"A happy family is but an earlier heaven" - George Bernard Shaw
2. A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.
"Friend" seems to be a recycled term these days, like love. But simply said, I love my friends.
The importance of this point is so highly neglected in so many friendships I've witnessed that it only makes me want to see them more often.
"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you" - A.A. Milne, Winnie The Pooh
3. Never expect anything in return for a good deed.
Even if you are obligated to do something for someone else, it simply is not right to expect anything for your generosity. This is a lesson I am sure most people forget about. Greed is an easy sin to be guilty of; we all have it in one way or another. The importance of generosity in my life has taught me not only to love no matter what, but to never lose sight of things that make me happy. And being generous without the hope of something in return makes me happy.
"You give but little when you give of your posessions.
It is when you give of yourself that you truly give" - Khalil Gibran
4. Do it today, worry about it tomorrow.
Straight forward, possibly cliché, but definitely a fact. Anxiety has stopped me from doing a lot of things I wish I had had the courage to do. It sucks, but it happened. It is only within the last five or six years that I have realized the seriousness of my actions when I decide not to take them. Anyone who knows me well enough will know that I absolutely despise phrases like "YOLO". But as much as it makes me sick to my stomach to know a term like it, it's principles speak for themselves. Live your life now before it's too late.
"I'd rather regret the things I've done than regret the things I haven't done" - Lucille Ball
5. If you're hesitant, give it a seventh thought.
Don't do something you are not 100% sure about. I realize that I've now contradicted myself between 4 and 5, so I'm going to try to explain this as easily as my mangled thoughts will allow me to.
While I've found recently that it's not entirely sane to think things over for the thirtieth time, it might be a smart tactic for some of us. That's not to say, however, that you should repeatedly convince yourself something is the right decision until you are 100% positive, and then do it. If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.
"Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did ot or not" - Oprah Winfrey
6. Don't underappreciate nature.
It has a weird way of healing things. Trees. Water. Grass. Bugs that seem to be attracted to repellent. What flusters me the most is that we live in Canada, the most naturally beautiful country ever, and the most people see of it is the screesaver of a mountain on their desktop. Take advantage of your amazing surroundings. Go outside!
If there is one single thing I've learned about nature in my life, it's that I love it. I love the smell of pine trees. I love the sounds of a babbling brook when I cross a crooked Stouffville bridge. I love finding evidence of corn cob burglary that raccoons leave behind. Some people walk in the rain. Others just get wet.
"The clearest way into the Universe is through a forest wilderness" - John Muir
7. People snap, but you don't have to.
This one is self explainatory. Some people make wrong choices. They'll realize it eventually.
"Talk sense to a fool and she calls you foolish" - Euripides
8. Sometimes we have to take the path less traveled by to find out it was less traveled for a reason.
Life isn't always easy. In fact, think about this for a moment: Try to remember one point in your life thus far that was easy. Difficult, isn't it? Now think of a time where life was not so easy. The difficult part here is trying to pick one.
I think it's within this last year that I've come to realize that I tend to climb walls I could easily walk around and still end up on the same side. This has taught me that it's perfectly okay to take the easy way out sometimes. You deserve it.
"And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden back" - Robert Frost
9. Letting go of a pet is the hardest thing you'll have to do.
If you're a pet owner, this isn't easy to hear. If you're a former pet owner, well then this isn't news to you. It doesn't matter how I say it.
Losing Shaggy was something I may never get over. Dogs (amongst other pets I'm sure) are not just pets. As unoriginal as it sounds, they are family. I told things to Shaggy my family will never hear in their lifetime. Every day, if I woke up before noon (I'm not so much a morning person), it was due to one of two reasons. Either I had enough rest that night, or Shaggy kicked me in the face in his sleep.
On March 7th of this year I woke up not because I slept, but because I couldn't.
It took me a very long while to be able to think about what had happened, and when I finally could it was challenging. While I do have a picture of Shaggy and I on my nightstand with me every night, it doesn't change the fact that a piece of paper can't wake me up from naps with little warm exhales, or a paw on my face, or wrap it's two little arms around one of mine. But it's something to accept. There comes a time when you have to let go. Not for yourself, but for them.
"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself" - Josh Billings
December 31st, 2001 - March 6th, 2014
10. Hope is a dangerous thing.
Believe in yourself, but believe in second chances.
While it's necessary to give oursevles support, we can't always expect ourselves to succeed. I found this out in a very emotionally straining way when I auditioned to major in music at school. I've been playing the piano for the majority of 16 years. I practiced like I have never practiced before for this audition for a full year to be told that I am not nearly good enough. It sucks.
But I learned a valuable lesson from this. Everything happens for a reason. This is the perfect example of what I see as 'their loss'.
"We must expect finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope" - Martin Luther King Jr.
11. Don't take little things for granted.
Little things are important. I find myslef forgetting the importance of the simple pleasures, and I think it might be something that everyone could work on. If you can't appreciate little things, how then would you expect to appreciate something larger? Simplicity is more important than you could ever think.
"I think I've begun to take for granted how eaily information can swirl around me" - Sean Astin
12. It's okay to have regrets.
Regrets pass. They suck, but they pass. You can't live your life regretting a decision you either did or did not act upon. It sounds insane, I know, to say that having regrets is prefectly okay when we go through life with the ambition to avoid them. I'm hear to tell you it'll be fine. I've had them, I've lived with them, we all have. Don't let them take over you.
When I graduated highschool I came to the realization that I had made the most regretful choice I had ever made; to not take Music class in grades ten and eleven. I regret that so bad, but it's in the past. Funny how regrets work that way. You can't change them, but they change you.
"The past is a great place and I don't want to erase it or to regret it, but I don't want to be its prisoner either" - Mick Jagger
13. Keep them guessing.
We all have bad days. We don't have to hide that we might be in a bad mood, but why not if we can? It might save yourself a few arguments.
"I get up every morning and it's going to be a great day. You never know when it's going to be over so I refuse to have a bad day" - Paul Henderson
14. Make a scene once in a while.
We all have hidden passions. Within the last three years or so I've come to realize a few of my own. My appreciation for nature and agriculture is a reason, and the well-being of animals is another.
If you feel like something is not right, stand your ground. Speak out. Why are you going to sit back and watch something you care about be destroyed? Make a scene. It might be fun.
"The question is not, 'Can they reason?' nor, 'Can they talk?' but 'Can they suffer?" - Jeremy Bentham
15. Don't fuss, it could be worse.
I have learned that it really isn't worth complaing about certain things. People don't want to hear it, and honestly, you probably wouldn't if it had been from someone else. Believe me, we have it good.
"Be grateful for what you have and stop complaining - It bores everybody else, does you no good, and doesn't solve any problems" - Zig Ziglar
16. Music is more powerful than you think.
I doubt that I will ever be able to comprehend the importance of music in my life. Yeah, I play the piano, but that isn't what this point is meant for.
Have you ever listened to a song? I mean really listen to a song, like just listen to it on repeat for hours (or days in some cases I've had) and completely feel the lyrcis in your soul? People seem to underestimate the therapeutic qualities of music. I don't care what type of music you listen to, these qualities are in every genre.
"Music expresses that which cannnot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent" - Victor Hugo
17. Be greatful for the moment, it is all you have.
What's most unfortunate these days is the excitement of "I can't wait for next year," or, "I'm so excited for June." Yes, I look forward to things. Heck, who hasn't been excited for a concert that's ten months away?! While it's healthy to have something to look forward to, don't forget what's most important. Today. Now. Not next week, not June, not next year. Live for today.
"Time is what we want most, but what we use worst" - William Penn
18. You can't walk away from yourself.
Aside from literally not being able to walk away from oneself because of it's impossible nature, this is an important one. I've learned that finding peace with yourself is rewarding but, a lot of the time quite difficult. So spend time with yourself, and get to know you. Being content is not always easy, but you owe it to yourself to at least try. You're all you've got!
"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken" - Oscar Wilde
19. Being kind is more important than being right.
This is so unbelievably important. Out of all you've just read, this is perhaps the most important point I could try to get across.
Too many times have I had people tell me that I'm 'too nice'. That I should 'think for myself'. While these statements aren't always false, they're almost always frustrating. People who want nothing more than to prove a point are the people who mistreat the values of being human. It strikes me on a daily basis how many people forget this.
"Be kind to one-another" - Ellen DeGeneres
20. The road home is never too long.
The twentieth concept I've learned, and my favorite. The road home is never too long.
No matter what you do. No matter how old you are, or what you are, or where you are. Home is with you.
I never truly realized the importance of home until I started university. I didn't want to leave. In the morning I didn't want to go, in the afternoon it was all I could think about, and in the evening I wouldn't leave it. I started joining my parents for their nightly coffee runs so that I could be with them as much as I could. The transition wasn't easy, to go from being home every day at the same time and not being home on a consistent schedule. But there is always one thing that keeps me going; everyday, every minute.
Home.
"The road home is never too long" - Amish Proverb
It feels weird, to be turning 20 in one week. I wanted to write this little article (or what ever you want to call it) for a plethora of reasons; the main one being that I have been around for twenty years and never really asked myself what I had taken out of it so far. My reasoning for these concepts may not make sense to some, or all, however I need to make it known that the lessons in life that come our way are not always comfortable. So take the following advice if you will:
Smile all the time. Laugh as often as you can. Live for you, and only you. Love until you're sick of it. Because every single day you will find reasons to frown, hate, and dread that you have to get up in the morning. But every single day there are reasons to be happy, and that is what I've learned.
Happiness does not come from the things you have. Happiness comes from the ways in which you appreciate them.
Thank you,
Ohan Stamboulian
20 year old.
